Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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