Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
