You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
