Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
