it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
