You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
