apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
