did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
