I just pynch a tree in the face
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
