dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
