I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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