we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
