And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All the doctor said was why
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
