Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
