I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
