oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
