Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
