i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
