Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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