You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
