he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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