I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
