Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
