I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
