Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
