So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
