When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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