I got chris browned last night
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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