how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
