Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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