YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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