Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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