I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
