It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
