i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just want to make out with him forever
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
