I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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