you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
