I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
