Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
