hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
