My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
