Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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