Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
