I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
