Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
