I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
