Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
