The maid of honor just puked.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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