fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
