ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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