So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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