Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Let's get the cat blown out
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
