i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
