if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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