I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
